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Friday, July 03, 2009

Girl, Looking Good this Summer ain't Rocket Science

Not to throw anyone off by writing two posts within the span of a few minutes, but I needed to get some more things off my chest before I abandon this area for another three to six months.

Summer. It's here and I won't say it's "finally" come because it was actually prematurely ejaculating hot glorious rays of sunshine at us back as early as April. Yes, it was late April when we got a good five days of a hot spell, followed by nearly two weeks of the summer sizzles during May. So this whole official start to summer, back on June 20th, was pure rubbish. It was just more ironic tomfoolery. It rained for half the weekend, granted only during the night or early in the morning when no one should care, but it rained all the same. And the clouds came and gave us a bit of a scare. And a BBQ or two were cancelled because of it. Damned summer and those dirty forecasters with their inaccuracies. I'd love a job like that. To be paid to say something. I just have to say something, make a prediction and back it up with a graphic and some numbers. Whether I'm wrong or right, I still get paid. Get me into this racket right now.

But, the topic is summer. And women. Girls! I prefer the term girls for the purpose of this article. "Women" is too staid. It's too dignified perhaps. Because now I am going to objectify a little bit. Okay, a lot. I am going to point out the obvious and that is to say, the girls look fantastic in the summer. And the reason is simple enough. A German DJ once laid out the formula as clear as day: "Hotties minus clothing is Happy Excess".

Oh man, you so right.

Unfortunately, I haven't spent much time at the beach yet so I haven't been treated to the bikini barrage or as some lucky ducks might see, an off-duty stripper/escort/dancer/professional hot girl doff the top and sun bathe au naturale. All the while painfully aware that yes they are hot and yes, they just exposed their mammaries long enough for an undisclosed number of male eyes to drink in and store in their memory banks for future reference. No, thus far I've only limited my random ogling to the streets. It's still a feast of visual treats for your average guy. Oh, how I wonder at how some men resist the urge to glance over when an attractive woman walks by or sits down on the bus. Oh, I'm watching them to see if they glance over. Then I get bored of waiting and go back to my covert operation of sidelong peeks, innocent head turns and other subterfuge to drink in more of the pretty sights.

Full disclosure: I am single with girlfriend and very happy with my relationship. My eyes never stop, however, and I don't ever see an end to it. Who stops looking? You're a liar if you say so. The engine never stops, it keeps purring and the view out the window is oh so good this season.

What's surprised me so far is not that there are a bevy of hot girls who seemingly come out of the woodwork when the temperature cracks a certain limit. Nor is the fact they are exposing more skin than ever before. No, the real reckoning for me, your-attached-but-always-looking pervert, is how few elements it takes for a girl to really put it all together. The checklist, if you please:

1.) Small shorts
2.) Tank or sport top
3.) Flip flops
4.) Legs (and good hips)

I once bowed at the statue carved of the man who invented the high heels. How a simple design has defined the look of women and has endured all these ages. I can't quite place the inventors of the thong sandals up atop the same pedestal but they deserve at least an honorary mention. Flip flops are the summer equivalent of a sexy pair of heels. Instead of the auditory warning of the click-clack, you get more of a scuff-scuff. Yes, flip flops on the right pair of feet attached to the right pair of bronzed, burnished legs can be quite the thing to behold.

I have a slight toe/foot fetish. Can you tell?

The rest of the list is self-explanatory, no? Tank tops to expose more skin and for the fact I've manage to fetishize a nice, lean pair of arms along with feet, toes and other ramdom appendages. And you can't have a nice legs without having firm, healthy hips to go along with them, can you? Is it in the realm of physical possibility? If you're rail thin, those short shorts will never be short shorts unless you're wearing something bought from Baby Gap. You're too thin, you're a waif, you'll blow away in the wind.

Give me a healthy west coast girl. Someone who's raised on a good Candian diet of beef, corn and Chinese take out. Someone who runs around outside or sweats it out on a machine once in a while. Those girls get the shorts and flip flops look to a T. A tan would be nice too but now I'm getting picky. You're all beautiful! I love you all.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

PONYTAILS! Lots of them! u fergot ponytails, u ponytails man!

9:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

is the owner of this freakin blog still alive???????????????

5:07 PM  

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