Blogging at Work Part 2 - Here's Your Nickelback... and a Sword Through the Brain Pan

"Nickback."

That one word was enough to snap me to attention and shake off my headphones in alarm. I play my music loud, but never loud enough to miss what goes on in the office behind me.

I looked over my shoulder and locked eyes with my coworker. "Nickelback?" I wanted verification but was cringing at the thought of advancing this conversation any further than was required.

"Yeah, Nickelback. People think they're from Vancouver but they're actually from Alberta." Uh-uh, here it comes. "They're good!"

Okay, I should tell you know, I am usually not a killjoy in the workplace. I come in, I exchange pleasantries and banter, goof off a little and once in a while, I'll perform the job I'm paid to perform. In essence, I keep any harsh opinions to myself and keep things light and airy with the people I work with. However, a sentence involving the words "Nickeback" and "good" was simply too reckless and callous to be ignored. I don't need to know the context of the dialogue that gave rise to Nickelback. All I know is this conversation had to be deactivated, and quickly.

I immediately set upon my coworker's praise of Nickelback like a rabid timber wolf. I don't quite remember what I said, but I do remember stringing some choice adjectives together. "Generic", "assembly line" and "poodle hair" are a few bon mots I recall from my attack, coupled with henious facial expressions that would indicate I would sooner inhale a bowl of fresh buffalo semen than subject my ears to Nickeback's interpretation of music. I'm far too generous actually. If you are not aware already, Nickelback contructs their albums by feeding potatoes and the colour beige into an industrial-sized contraption known as the Insufferable Mainstream Rock-O-Matic 3000. So in go the spuds and beige, out comes radio-friend rock noise that is more forgettable than last week's dental floss.

Yeah... I let my views on Nickelback be known. Like an expert swordsman dispatching his opponent with a single, graceful sweep of the blade, I silenced all possible happy talk about Nickelback with just a couple of concise, venomous comments. Unfortunately, it was clear my coworker's feelings were caught in the crossfire. My zeal to stamp out Nickelback may have been construed as a personal attack, which was definitely not my intention.

Well it worked: All positive Nickelback sentiment lay in a pool of gore, blood still geysering from the fatal blow delivered by my razor-sharp, musical polemic. My coworker fell silent, stared into her monitor and continued typing. She's a gregarious talker personality, so those few seconds without a peep from her were deafening.

Hmm, yes. I felt like a dick, stomping on my friend's Nickelback love as harshly as I did. So I followed up with a question to soften the mood a little. Surprisingly, it worked, even though it resulted in another lost minute of agonizing Nickelback talk. Oh well, I managed to salvage a potentially awkward afternoon at the office. It was pretty boorish of me to put down my coworker's affinity for the national treasure that is NICKELBACK.

Yet if it was anyone else, I would not have felt any guilt. And neither should you. The next time some mouth-breather decides to publicize his admiration of Nickelback, unsheath your katana and strike quickly. Aim for the neck and follow through with your swing. Youu want to remove the head in one clean swipe.

Of course, my metaphor is long over. Decapitate the tone-deaf idiots! If it's a friend or family member, a caning session Singapore-style or good old-fashioned excommunication should suffice.