Literary Spam

Have a rare treat for you guys today in a form of a double issue! Two posts! Wow!!

Now settle down and wipe the drool off your lips. I want to talk about a somewhat tired topic: e-mail spam. I don't get a whole lot of it drifting into my work e-mail account these days. It wasn't that long ago I'd open up my mail reader each morning to find half a dozen tantalizing offers for penis enlargement and I would wonder (sometimes aloud), "How the hell do they know?" My current account at work is by no means a fortress of security, but the junk mail gets filtered surprisingly well. It's rare that I get even an isolated spam message sneak through our defenses, but it still happens.

On Wednesday, I had one such interloper appear in my inbox. It was sent to me by one JeffreyWoodard. His message was titled "yeast", and it was a odd pairing of sales pitch and... prose. The pitch opens up wtih some blah blah about a company's new financial reports and recommending your purchase of some bogus company stock portfolio. Right below this, is a good solid 3 or 4 paragraphs of prose, resembling an excerpt of a really, really bad short story. Here's a sample:

This was about twelve oclock, I should think. She raps or taps upon the walls,the ceiling, the floor, with fine rhythm and cadence.
De Morgan observes that after the seances with Mrs. But, said he, what you tell me isvery singular: I shall go myself to Mrs.
I workedfor them part of the time, and part of the time I boarded and went toschool. She increases their weightor lessens it according to her pleasure. I dont think I shall hear anything from anybody, but if Ido I shall find out the trick. I did not know what to think ofit, it seemed so strange and unaccountable.
At the house of friends withwhom she went to stay she was persuaded to sit at a table with others. I workedfor them part of the time, and part of the time I boarded and went toschool.
I did not know what to think ofit, it seemed so strange and unaccountable.
One evening, about bedtime, I heard therapping.
I heard it a number of nights, as I slept inthe bedroom all the time that I staid there. Myers, in the presence ofProfessor and Mrs. My warping bars were in their chamber,and I used to go there to do my work.
It may briefly be stated that of the SCIENTIFIC AMERICANinquirers the secretary, Mr. I told him not to go outdoors, for perhapssomebody wanted to get him out and hurt him.
He said she was a powerful medium through whom he intended tomanifest.

Ok... what the hell was that about? These shysters... always up to no good!