New Body Type Inductee on 500WPD
I was on my lunch break the other day and was unfairly subjected to some eye poison while eating my panini at the nearby cafe.
Two older women, one with child, were at the adjacent table from me and I could not help but notice one of them as she stood up to pour herself some more water. I guess women of a certain age, of a certain body type and having undergone the minor miracle of childbirth, either develop in one of two ways. They can either recover from the trauma of squeezing a human body out of their tummies and get back into shape, or the birth is just the beginning of the slippery slope down into doughey flabberdom.
As a man, I can't say either of those options are right or wrong. It is certainly quite commendable when a woman can squeeze out a couple rugrats, tones back up and achieves bonafide MILF status. I would say that is the exception to the rule, with the rule being that most women sacrifice their youthful firmness once the family gets going. A similar effect happens with guys. They are energetic, dashing cads when single. Once they get married, the gut kicks in and they start getting schlubby. Many guys in LTRs don't even bother waiting for the wedding bells and begin nurturing their flabby love handles right from the get-go. See, who said generalizations can't be fun?
But I digress. I'm in the cafe, shoving salmon panini down my craw, and my eyes are drawn to this mother's body. She, unfortunately, has not toned up after spitting out her cute little boy. Fair enough. But... she was decked out in Lulu-like workout clothing and the Stuffed Sausage effect was in full bloom.
I was presented with her body profile which resembled a soft, molded grip of some kind of handle. Sort of like the handles you find on lawn equipment or power tools...except fatter. It's this series of consecutive body humps that has lead me to introduce a brand new body type...
Behold! THE HITCHCOCK!!
It's not entirely accurate -- the bottom end is a bit too big in the drawing -- but it gets the message across, no? Lovely lady lumps they are not.
posted by Clinton @ 11:47 AM
9 Comments:
Then what would Alfred's lips represent in this diagram? Lint protruding from an outie? I'm dying to know.
Your thirst for knowledge is admirable, abundantc. That is not lint, but rather a intestinal cyst that has been forced outward, so immense is the vice-like pressure exerted by the sorely abused and malformed Lulu clothing.
There's reason I don't wear tight clothing. Nice new category there.
Question. Is the Hitchcock only found wearing LuLu attire, or can other yoga-only wears be found as well?
Oh and how was that salmon panini?
It can be only brand of attire, just as long as it's sporty and tight.
The salmon panini was good. A little light on the salmon, but still tasty.
That's pretty good. The Hitchcock. I'll be using that.
Yes, yes. Use it and cherish it.
Wow, I'd hate to see how an overweight person would feel if they happened to come across this blog.
Hi Anon. I'd hate to see it too. It would probably be sort of unpleasant for them. But they'd get over it and read some non-fat articles. Or leave in disgust. Either reaction works for me.
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