Outside Looking In

I was hopelessly bored and groggy last night and perhaps because of this I found myself reading W.'s Blogger blog again. Don't bother asking why I still had her blog bookmarked; it was likely my subconscious knowing that I'd want to save her page for a rainy day. Turns out all I needed was a night of boredom to spur the curiosity machine that is my tired brain.

So I scanned the homepage of her blog and lo, I found the jewel post I was obsessing over for that week after we stopped seeing each other. She had made an official announcement back in mid-August that she's been going steady with a guy and recounted the time in late June/early July when they first met.

Bingo, just as I had suspected. Turns out she was deciding between me and this other fella in that 2-3 week period after all. In case you need another reminder, the other guy, referred to as J-, won the dating sweepstakes. I read the entire post and felt... mildly happy. W. is obviously very happy with her love connection. I, while not immune to fits of envy, could only feel (cue sappy music) a sense of closure. It's reassuring to know that I saw through the BS break-up speech she gave me on Canada Day. All the gibber-jabber about her intuition and gut instinct was really just the old gloss-over. I'm not faulting her for that actually; realisitcally there wasn't a better way she could have done it. I'm glad she at least made the effort to let me down easy.

To her credit, she also made it seem like it was a real choice she made... although in the back of her mind her choice of words was perhaps steered by how she probably still remembers that I know where her blog is and oh... maybe I check back on it every now and again. Anyway, here's my vague 15 seconds of fame on her blog:

It never rains but it pours in that I went on dates with two boys and both - for once - were very decent. I thought my head would burst keeping their histories straight and even faltered once or twice. (I attribute the plenty to reaching - finally - true comfort and acceptance of being single.) It soon became clear that in an absolute sense, one boy seems to be the very picture of what I'm looking for. Besides, we hit it off right away.

So now, I advocate entertaining all your opportunities to meet people. Every story of a meeting is beautiful because it involved both of you.

So... you maybe get the impression I'm still hung up on this girl? Only a little. She is definitely the one that got away this summer. In hindsight, I was a little too cautious when I spent time with W.. Perhaps spent a little bit too much effort feeling out the situation instead of really living it and giving myself over to it. But what was the problem? She was cute, intelligent, active, a great conversationalist and had a really nice blend of that sweet/naughty dynamic that I seem to go for.

In the end, it probably wouldn't have mattered. She clearly met someone a lot more compatible. It just would have been nice to rule out some factors on my own end. This time, I was the one window shopping and got caught out in the rain, gazing longingly through the glass store display.

Blech. Now this totally reeks of me not having moved on yet... but I have! Really! Alright, alright, the proof is in the pudding. I'll stop sulking now...