Another Post About My Dysfunctional Relationship... with Sleep

Photo by klsmith77

A couple of strange things have been happening to my body of late. The first, and least believable phenomenon, is that... I no longer crave meat.

You heard me right. Meat. It just doesn't turn me on the way it used to anymore. I can't drive by a KFC and fantasize about what a guilty pleasure it would be dig into a bucket of extra crispy, undisclosed chicken parts. No, there's not more fantasy. I just see the sign and immediately feel like I want to double over and vomit. I imagine the grease and mulched up chicken flesh coursing lazily through my intestines, their journey progressively slowing down until it all comes to a complete halt. All that half-digested sludge just sitting there in my gut, motionless and completely disgusting.

It doesn't stop at meat. I don't find french fries very appetizing either. Strike that. I can no longer get it up for anything that spends anytime being dipped in batter and oil. I start feeling weak when I see that stuff and immediately seek solace in a vinegrette-drenched big salad, soups and any kind of fruit I can get my hands on.

What? What on earth has happened to my body? What is this travesty? What did you do with the real Clinton? Where did you discard his lifeless body, you evil doppelganger from hell?

I figure this recent changein my diet has been a reflection of my body finally having enough of years of abuse and has decided to revolt. I'm a guy, after all, and I've lived through my teens and the better part of my 20's as one of those invincible eaters. Essentially, I knew I could shove any edible substance into my craw, healthy or not, and my youthful metabolism would make short work of it. I was unstoppable. Aside from turning into a Skinny Fat Guy in my early twenties, I never suffered any ill consequences for being such a shit eater.

Well, call it payback time for my body. And call it gettin' old. Hey, if it takes a full-on biological rejection for grease and regular overdoses of meat, then I'm all for it. The first step towards healthier eating is removing the natural temptation of those sinful foods and my body and I are deciding to work together on this front. Perfect. I ain't complaining yet.

What I would like to complain about is the original reason why I started writing this post, hence the title that subtlely makes references to sleep and the implication that, surprise, I don't get enough of it. To wit, 6 hours of sleep is not cutting it anymore. That's how much I'm averaging now and it's starting to really kill me at work. My job title may as well stop being "webmaster" and instead be "senior corpse that sits at a desk all day". This radical change in my body is part of parcel of getting older, yes, but I'd also like to believe my body is desperately trying to communicate with me and to get me back on the straight and narrow.

I can't explain why I end up staying up past my "bed time". And when I say "bed time", I'm referring to a vague hour of the night when I think, in very general terms, that I should hit the sack so as to get my daily recommendation of 8 hours of slumber. I simply always find things to do late in the evening. There's always something to do... whether it's writing, e-mailing, reading, updating my websites, browsing new music, chatting on MSN, writing sweet nothings to the ladies or a myriad of other things that I amuse myself with.

There is one way to get my attention. One very foolproof way to get me to change my ways, even temporarily, is to hang the spectre of sickness over my head. Yes! Make we wake up with a headache and extra sore muscles. Throw in some random aches, make my head feel heavier than usual and a few sniffles of the nose to really get me scared. Because we all know a tired body tends to be more prone to illness and without fail, I usually get sick at the worse times. Correction: when is it ever a good time to get a nasty cold or flu? Hint: NEVER. The days of being a carefree kid and using an illness to skip out of a day or two of school are long over. Sad, but true.

And I know I should have used a few of my sleepless nights to put some thoughts together about real estate, which is what I have been promising to write about for the past week. And I would, except I got nothing. Or rather, I recently stumbled on some articles that offered up some interesting ideas that I might want to try to incorporate into my ramblings. We'll see what happens in the coming days. In the meantime, I'll try to reset my body and replenish it with a few consecutive nights of restful sleep.