Do What You Say

Integrity. Integrity as a promise fulfilled and as a committment of action, has been short supply these past ten days.

In a cheerier light I might have called this a comedy of errors but it's been so endemic to my life lately that I find it increasingly difficult to joke about.

This is the integrity without the moral, ethical component. This is integrity in its basest form, the practice of doing what you say, otherwise known as honouring your word. The past week has been a carnival of broken appointments, unreturned calls, and empty promises. And that's just what has happened recently. These fiascos have been compounded with the seeming inability of most of my friends to promptly redress debts owing or even simply having the consideration to keep track of bills and balances. I'm the one keeping tabs on this stuff. I'm the one chasing down the money.

If you don't already know, money issues fuck with everything, even close friendships. Okay, so money has not (yet) created massive rifts between myself and my friends. No one has run off with bundles of my money. I've just been feeling a mounting frustration with everyone. Why do I need to remind you? Why do I need to chase you down for this? How could you sleep in and stand me up after making plans 7 hours prior? Does it hurt to set a timer on your clock or use the cell phone to cancel plans? Does your sister's smallest whim take precedence over plans you've already made with someone? Why did you not honour your word?

Before you think I am some kind of grinch that acts like a bean counter around my friends, I will say this. I do favours for my friends. I treat them to meals and don't expect one in-kind. I spot them cash when they need it. Hey, I've had them help me out more than a few times as well. I always make sure to repay them. Sometimes they wont' even ask that I repay them. But if I tell them I'll repay them, I'll be damned sure to do it. Likewise, if you say you will repay me something, I don't care who you are, I expect you to follow through.

Why is this so hard?

From top to bottom, whether it's my closest friends from highschool, random peeps or people I've been dating, there is a epidemic of unreliability and non-integrity.

How hard is it to honour your word, to keep a promise? When you cut through all the b.s. and excuses of being busy or forgetting or whatever, it's all the same. You did not do what you said you would do. You were not your word.

Remember, no moralistic judgements here. But clearly, a lack of integrity is annoying, disappointing, counter-productive and a myriad of other things. Life and relationships just don't work without a sufficient level of integrity. I used to take it for granted but now, getting the short end of so many different sticks, I realize it is almost like a critical life skill, to practice integrity.

And now the fallout from this is I've got to be the heavy. I've got to be the one that broaches the subject. I have to be the one that brings in the awkwardness. I've got to be the one that looks rigid and miserly. I'm the one who looks like I'm asking for a favour, when in fact I'm merely reminding someone of the committments they've made. I've got to be the one who holds people's feet to the fire and who reminds them.

Fine. Maybe that's what it takes. Maybe we've entered a new Era of Flakiness and it's up to each one of us to be a bulwark for integrity. Hell, let's ratify a new public holiday to spread awareness. Call it, Integrity Week or Keep Your Promises Day.

Until that day happens, I have a new set of committments and/or promises made to me. Please note, these are things that were VOLUNTEERED to me. I reallly have to stress that I am not going around tapping out all my friends for favours and acting like a charity case. People are coming to ME and putting their word on the line. And I can guarrantee you I will be waiting for them to make good on their word.

Will they? I'll keep you posted.