How to End My "Survivor" Viewing Habits

Merge the racial tribes.

That's it. That's all you gotta do.

In a shocking but not wholly suprising twist, the 4 racially separated tribes on this season's Survivor were disbanded and rejigged to form 2 racially mixed tribes. Say good-bye to Team Cracker; bid adieu to Team Fried Chicken; so long Team Chico and a nice knowin' ya to Team Delicious Bowl of Steamed Rice.

As any diehard Survivor fan (do they still exist?) can attest, the merging of competing player tribes is a fundamental convention of the game. But to merge all four tribes after only 2 episodes, which amounts to less than 10 actual days of the game was a foolish and gutless decision. I don't know about you, but once I got over my mini-outrage at the whole race concept, I was eager to see how each of groups would fare.

While there is a logistical reason for consolidating all the players into two main tribes, I still think the producers could have taken that into account when planning out the season. Namely, they should have allowed for larger tribes in the beginning. Team Taco and Team Lazy had already lost a member each, leaving them with a mere 4 members apiece. Should either of them face tribal council again, it would have made for some awkward voting dynamics. Stalmate anyone?

STILL. Why didn't they just bump up the number of contestants? The entire franchise is on the decline anyway, they may as well pull out all the stops to revive the show. Now I'll never get to find out which race reigns supreme. The Cook Islands will now play out like any old season of Survivor, which completely runs counter to all the pre-season hype. All that talk about conducting a grand social experiment the likes of which have never been seen is just that... deceptive marketing BS.

There's no more reason for me to tune in. Even the babes are nothing to write home about. I had high hopes for Becky, the Korean princess allied with Yul, but she's turning out to be uber boring... and actually not really that hot. Everytime she comes onscreen, I think of her as a cousin or the little sister I never had. I just feel... nothing. And Parvati. She's actually not bad, despite having a bit of a clown face. Her body is tight, befitting a "boxer/waitress" from West Hollywood, I suppose. Unfortunately, she has a rather high opinion of herself what with her whole spiel about working her irresistable feminine charms on all the men in her new tribe. Please. Although her giant clown mouth is strangely alluring, she ain't nuttin' compared to many former contestants on the show.

I guess I should thank Mark Burnett and co.. I've always disliked scheduling my life around TV shows, you know? "Ooooo, I have to get home by 8pm to watch so and so" or "Oh, should I do [insert productive activity here] and record the show or just watch it when it's on?". Fuck that. I now have an uninterrupted block of time each Thursday evening, free to do with as I please.

Survivor = Gutless