Wash Your Hands

As a counterpoint to my previous "crappy" post about toilet-use techniques, I want to voice my concern about the many random patrons of public washrooms that I routinely catch bolting out of the men's room without washing their hands.

Please, are we still in kindergarten here? You know this joe, who just grasped at his filthy dong and pubic hairs, is gonna waltz back to his table and shake a business partner's hand, caress his girlfriend's face or use his grimy paws to pass some bread to the fool sitting three seats over. I have yet to see someone brazen enough to take a dump without first making a pitstop at the sinks. I don't know what I'd do if caught them making a beeline for the door. Probably tackle them and rub their face into the urine-soaked floor.

I'm no paragon of hygeine. I'm no Mr. Clean. But I have my limits of decency. If I see this happen once in any given day, then you know it's happened a hundred times over in public restrooms across the city. Please, for the love of all that is holy, at least dab a thimble of soap on your fingertips and rinse it off in some cold water. I know there must be some guys there that think their private bits are the cleanest in the land. I'm here to tell them they're not. Sorry. Hell, if us guys are so pristine why don't we all just eat our dinners in the john while we're at it? So you think you're clean, okay. What about the 50 guys that used that urinal before you did. Would you place your tongue on the flushing lever? I bet that's pretty clean.

Gross.