Dark Day

The clouds are out today and the temperature has dropped considerably. Not exactly my idea of a good start to July. Getting out of bed was easy for the past few weeks. Often times, I wouldn't be able to sleep in on weekends even if I tried, thanks to the sun, heat and overall positive summer vibe.

I had planned to hit the gym before going to work today but when my alarm went off at 6:45, I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. I reset my cellphone alarm timer to 8:00, popped into the john for a second, then fell back into bed.

I awoke at 8:00 but zoned out in bed for another 20 minutes. My morning routine would be totally shot if I didn't get out of bed soon, so I got my ass out of bed and made a committment to hit the gym tonight after having dinner with my mom.

I would say I'm relatively sober about it, but I'm still thinking about W. 3 days after she asked for us to stop seeing each other. A flood of thoughts about the incident kicked into rapid cycle as I drove to work, which immediately put me into a nasty, grumpy funk. The randomness and abruptness of her decision has been hard to shake off. What's even worse is that I felt so blind-sided. It makes me wonder if I'll always be in a state of being unpleasantly surprised and then I think if that's actually better than knowing something bad is heading down your path way ahead of time.

I'm inclined to think W. has some personal issue of her own to work out for herself and that it wasn't meant to be. But man, I'll never know and that uncertainty drives me up the wall.

Five minutes away from the office I realized I had left my cellphone at the apartment. Wonderful. There's a possibility I have Seasonal Affective Disorder.